"That's Not Yours": Unpacking Sibling Rivalry & The Scars of Favoritism on Sister's Keeper
Hosted By:
Yvonne Tivatye
Featuring: Lady Bishop Rudo Madindi & Tendai Anna Piri
Why do siblings drift apart? Why does childhood competition often turn into adult resentment? On this emotional episode, Rudo Madindi shares a crushing childhood memory from Gweru that defines the pain of parental favoritism, while counseling expert Tendai Anna Piri offers a roadmap to healing.
The Gweru Incident
A heartbreaking testimony of rejection and grace.
Rudo took the audience back to when she was in Grade 5, living in a modest two-roomed house in Gweru. Her father had just returned from Harare, bringing the excitement of "Back to School."
She walked into the bedroom and saw a spread laid out on the bed: a new satchel, a crisp uniform, shiny shoes, and socks. Overcome with joy, she jumped up and down, thanking her father profusely.
Then came the crushing blow. Her father looked at her and said bluntly:
"That's not yours. That is for Rumbi."
Rumbi was her half-sister. While Rudo watched, her father packed the items away for his other child, leaving Rudo with nothing. She recalls walking out and sitting on a stone outside the house in silence.
Rudo's mother witnessed the humiliation and retreated to the restroom to cry silently. However, instead of using the moment to sow hatred, she later sat Rudo down with a powerful instruction:
"Rumbi is still your little sister. I need you to love her. She doesn't know that she got things that you didn't get."
Because of this intervention, Rudo did not grow up hating her sibling. "We even talk right now, everything is fine," she confirmed.
Why It Happens
Expert Tendai Anna Piri explained that Rudo's story is a classic example of a parent being physically present but emotionally absent.
"If your parent is absent, you begin to ask yourself, 'What is wrong with me?'" She noted that parents often provide material needs but fail to speak their child's specific Love Language, leading to deep-seated resentment.
The panel drew parallels to Joseph and his brothers. Just as Jacob's overt favoritism (the coat of many colors) caused his other sons to hate Joseph, modern parents create rivalry when they visibly favor one child's gifts over another.
Breaking the Cycle
Determined not to repeat her father's mistakes, Rudo shared how she raises her own sons, AJ and Abidan.
When Abidan tried to copy AJ's singing talent to get attention, Rudo didn't compare them. Instead, she sought God's wisdom to identify Abidan's unique gift (prayer). She emphasized: "Celebrate your children differently based on their unique strengths."
Tendai introduced the CBT Approach (A-B-C):
- A (Activating Event): The rejection (e.g., the uniform incident).
- B (Belief): Changing your belief about it.
She urged victims of rivalry to remember Jeremiah 1:5—that God set them apart before birth. "Forgive your parents, not because they were right, but for your own healing."
Need Support?
Sister's Keeper & Thriving Lives Counseling are here.
Call or App: +263 784 622 999
"Let's keep our sisters. Let's extend ourselves with grace and kindness." - Yvonne Tivatye
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